We went to the Dr today to find out about Brandon's x-rays. It is not great news-my 6 year old baby has a broken hip bone (from the x-ray it seems to be an old fracture) but he also has two cysts on the bone. At this point we do not know if they are cancerous or not. We will be going to Cook's in Dallas sometime next week hopefully to see a cancer Dr. to see what we need to do to check these two spots and to see if he has any other areas any where else and where we go from here. He will have to have surgery to remove the cysts and possibly do a partial hip replacement. That we do know.
I am asking selfishly I guess for people to pray that it is not a rare bone issue or cancer. I feel like I am having a night mare and I will wake up any minute and it will all not be true. I am scared-I am sick with worry and yet I am calmer than I thought I would be. I know this is one of those times where it is only the prayers of fellow believers getting my husband and I through this all. It is only God's grace that I have talked with tons of family and friends today and only broke down crying half those times.
I keep questioning "Why Brandon" and yet I stop and think "Why Not?" every parent out there with a sick child wishes it was not their child-or it was them instead. We are not promised this life would be easy-without trials-without sadness-without fear or pain-only that God will get us through it and make it bearable to deal with. I know He loves Brandon more than I imagine-millions and trillions of times more than I can ever imagine and that is hard to believe because I would trade places with him right now if I could.
I have let myself cry and even question why not me-he is a baby-(he is 6 but he will always be a baby to his mama) I have never dealt with pain of the unknown like this before-I could never imagine being a parent of a child that might be sick-have cancer or some other disease or possibly even go home to glory and yet as I sit here crying and typing this I have to think-HE IS IN CONTROL! Before He even knit Brandon in my womb he knew on 4-9-2010 the news we would get at the Dr's office and that we still would not know what the next few days, months, and years would hold for our family.
If I believe in the good times that God is faithful-I must also believe in the not so good times my God is faithful.
Please pray for our other kids and Brandon-he is scared-we don't have many answers to tell him until we can rule out cancer or not and when we will have surgery. I know our God is a mighty God, bigger than any of this and that is what I told him and what we believe and what we are clinging to.
I weep as I write this because he is my child and the pain he has but will endure in the future and it brings me once again to the cross and the pain my savior endured for me. I know who holds not only my future but my sweet, precious Brandon's future and it is nothing but good for us- no this is not our home-just a resting place for now.
I am just not ready for that time to be now-so I ask for your prayers. I will keep you posted as to what next week holds and what will happen from that time on.
Thank you!
I love you all for loving my baby enough to pray for him even though we may have never met!
Humbly-
Jill
44 comments:
Oh my goodness... I'm sitting here trying to soak everything in. My momma's heart hurts for your momma's heart.
Just keep leaning - HARD - on your Jesus. You're right - this is not a surprise to our Lord, only to you and your family (and all who love you and Brandon).
Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light. Matthew 11:29-30
My heart is heavy for you, but it's also hopeful that there won't be any more bad news.
I wish I could hug you. My heart is hugging you right now.
Can I ask for prayer for you and Brandon on my blog?
Love (and I'm going to pray for all of you right now).
Lynnette
Oh sweetie, I am so sorry. I will be praying for Brandon, you, your husband, your children. I choose to believe GOOD report! Praying you through!
Thank you both so much for your kind loving words and for you thoughts and prayers. I am holding on to God and His promises and that we will get seen by Wednesday and we will know quickly what we are dealing with. At this point we know he will have to have surgery, we are ok with that at this point as scary and painful as it might be-I am just praying the two cysts are the only two in his tiny little body and that they are truly just cysts not cancer and not some rare bone disease. We have seen Him do mighty things with my sister, dad and my hubby's dad these past two years and I know and believe He is in control and He loves my Brandon more than I can imagine. I am clinging to Jer. 29:11-13.
Lynnette-I would love for you to ask for prayer for him on your blog-I am a firm believer in prayer-I know that is why I was able to sit there in the office yesterday and take all this in without getting sick(that is usually what happens when I get stressed) I know it was the prayers of those who knew we were going in and had no idea what we might here got us through yesterday.
Thanks again for your love and prayers.
Trusting Him.
Visiting from Lynnette - I will pray for your family and your son. I have one son of my own and it makes me catch my breath to think of myself in your mommy situation. May God be by your side to deliver calmness during this time of waiting.
Hugs
I am coming over from Lynnette's to let you know that I will be praying for you and for your family and more specifically for your son. Praying that the next series of tests will show nothing at all wrong! So thankful that we serve a God who heals, who helps us through the process and brings us out victoriously on the other side. Whatever the outcome, we are victorious because Jesus has already won the battle for us. Be encouraged. Prayers are being prayed for your family. God BLess!
Praying for your son whole heartedly,please keep us all in blogland updated.
(((HUGS)))
I am sitting here feeding my own baby with tears streaming down my face as I read your post. I don't know what to say except that I am praying so much for you, Brandon, and the rest of you family. His thoughts towards you are good and not evil, to give you an expected end- He is in absolute control!
Oh Jill!!! I can't even imagine what you must be feeling and going through. Just know that we are praying for Brandon and your family for grace and more grace; for healing, and security; for wisdom for the doctors and for absolute healing for Brandon. You are in my thoughts. Kelly
I completely understand all of the emotions that you are feeling. I have been there. God will carry you and Brandon through this terrifying time if you let Him. It won't be easy. That I know.
Sending prayers from California!
Hugs,
Trisha
Hi Jill...It's Linda,...Lynnette's mom. I just read about Brandon's situation, and I wanted to tell you that I have put the needs before our wonderful Lord this morning.
I know the Lord wants to give you peace and comfort during this time...and with God all things are possible!
Keep trusting Jill, and try not to fear.
What you wrote is so beautiful...I can tell you are leaning on the Everlasting Arms. May He wrap those loving arms around you and may you find strength to walk through this with Him by your side.
Jill - I am so sorry to hear this news and yet I too trust that God will make this all perfect in His loving way...no matter where He leads you and Brandon.
Trusting in the Name of THE LORD! For all things good to come!
Blessings and grace,
Jill
Thank you all so much-you are so kind and it makes me cry as I read these to know that people can love and pray for my sweet Brandon and care so much what would happen to him and our family and we have never even met! I am humbled and so blessed-thank you so much.
As a mama I am weak, scared, tired, nervous, you name it, but as a Child of God, I am having strength right now that I didn't even know I could have. We serve a mighty God-I am clinging to Jer. 29:11-13, it has been my life verse since I accepted Jesus 25 years ago.
Thank you again so much for your love and prayers.
I read this to my Bran (who you would love if you met him-he is full of life and yet loves and cares for people deeply) and it made him cry a little and smile too. He said " Mom I like these people-they love me and they don't even know me." I told him that is what makes it so special when we know Jesus-it connects us to each other through Him.
So thank you for most of all touching his precious heart and showing him the love of Jesus through your love, compassion, and prayers for him.
PS.
Something that made me laugh just little which I really needed today-I made biscuits for the kids this morning and forgot the timer so when I remembered them in the oven-well lets just say they are now dog biscuits. But while I was saying guys I burnt your biscuits-I busted out laughing-now before you think I have gone insane-go read Lynnette's blog about biscuits and the meaning they have and it will make you laugh too.
Thanks for the laugh-great medicine for the heart.
Jill-
I was hesitant to leave a comment because I didn't want you to read my blog. I am so sorry if it upset you. It's not a pretty story (especially given what you are facing now). But know that no matter what happens, God will be with you and He alone will get you through it. There will be dark and cloudy days but there will also be blue sky. It's hard to fully appreciate the blue skies unless you have been trapped under the dark clouds. Being able to appreciate that (and just that) is a huge gift.
Still praying...
Trisha
Just came over from Lynnette's blog. Praying for you so much and Brandon and your family. The Why's I have been there but God is GOOD and he will carry you through this. Trust and obey for there's no other way to be happy in Jesus but to trust and obey.
My Grandma used to sing that to me when I was little and scared. It is so true.
Loving you and prayers from Nevada.{{HUGS}}
Caroline
Just stopping by from Lynnette's blog to let you know I'm praying for you and Brandon. I cannot imagine.....I know I would be so scared too. I pray that everything will turn out okay and that the Lord will comfort you and give you peace during this time.
I am so sorry. I can't imagine what you are going through now. I will keep you and your family and especially your precious Brandon in my prayers! I pray that he will wrap his loving arms around you during this difficult time.
Hi Jill,
I also came over from Lynnette's blog. I just wanted to let you and your family know that I'll be praying!! Please keep us updated!
~ Love,
Lindsay
My sweet sister-in-Christ. The Lord has counted you worthy to be afflicted for His glory sake. Lean hard on the truths you know about Him. When you are weak, He will carry you. ~Praying for you.
~Erin
Lifting you up!
Keeping Brandon in my prayers. May God keep him safe and free from cancer. God hear my prayers~AMEN.
I'm visiting from Lynnette's blog. Praying for you and your family right now! I'll be checking for updates, too!
I just now saw this come up in my reader, Jill! :( I'm so sorry for this news! I'll be praying!!!!!
Hi Jill :)
I came from Lynnette's blog hearing about your dear, precious Brandon...
From seeing the picture of you and your dear family at the top of your blog, I can see such a sweet and loving care for each other in your family. God bless you and I pray, knowing that our heavenly Father never leaves us nor forsakes us, that He will heal Brandon from whatever is there...God knows! He is our great Physician and Healer and loves Brandon so, so much and wipes each one of your tears and puts them in a bottle....whether you take the wings of the dawn or dwell in the remotest part of the sea...even there He will lead you and His right hand will lay hold of you and your sweet family.
God bless you and keep you, Brandon...you are an amazing gift from God. He cares for you :)
In Christ alone,
Rachel
Hi Jill. I am coming from Lynnette's blog too.
I have been where you are. Very scary. We found a "tumor" above my sons knee by accident when doing x-rays for bi-lateral knee pain. We were sent for a MRI and thankfully the report came back as osteochondroma, a benign bone tumor.
I am lifting your sweet little boy and family up in prayer. Prayers for peace and The Lords presence to wash over you during this time.
If you need to chat please email me at ncmomma@earthlink.net
Jennifer
Came from Lynnette's. I am sending up a prayer for your son Brandon-hoping that these cysts are not cancerous. Please God be with this family during this time of unknown. Give them Your comfort and peace. Your ways are not our ways, Lord. We don't know why these things happen or why children must suffer through things, but we know that no matter what You are good and Your grace is overflowing. Amen.
My husband and I will be praying for Brandon, and for the rest of the family, that you would have the strength that God desires you to have, and that God's love surrounds you and holds you all close...Being in the fire is so painful...my heart hurts with you..blessings sister-in-Christ ox
You guys are in my thoughts. I hope that you get some good news. I don't know what this would be like but I can only imagine that it is terrifying. Know that you have a lot of support on your side!
I'll be praying. My dad had cancer, and I remember how hard it was. Let's shower you in prayers--mind if I send out an email to some friends?
Praying,
--Hannah
Hannah-
Thank you sweet girl! You are so precious and so kind-I would love for you to send an e-mail to friends and ask them to pray. There is power in the prayer of fellow believers-we are getting through each day until we know what we are dealing with by the strength we are receiving from those prayers.
Thanking God for you and your heart of gold!
Love Jill
I'm just over from Lynnette's blog. I wish there were words to offer comfort to you...but I'm so glad you know the Comforter who IS always faithful. Your words...even in this heart-wrenching time are such a testament to your faith and God's abundant grace. I see His grace just shining through you.
Praying for you, your sweet boy, and your beautiful family with all my mama-heart....
Dropping by from Lynette's too.
Please know you and your family will be COVERED by my prayers during this time.
My son was dx with a brain tumor at the age of 16, totally blew us away.
But through it ALL God was there, His grace is truly sufficient.
He was treated at St. Jude in Memphis.
He is now in complete remission, doing wonderful.
A journey I would of never chosen, but one that changed the course of my life for the BETTER.
Keep standing on the ROCK. He will carry you!
Your amazing.. I will pray for you- I know how hard it is with these situations and how much harder it is when it's a child. God is good. Please know many out there are praying. I found your blog through another blog I follow.
Read about you on Lynette's blog and wanted to visit. As a Mama myself, I can only imagine what your heart is enduring right now. My 2 favorite words in the Bible are "But God..." He has a plan, a purpose, a perspective (different from ours at times, and a promise...even thought you know that as a believer, I also know how hard it is to cling to that when it is your own flesh and blood facing the unknown and hurting. So, right now, in the name of Jesus, I ask for complete healing for Brandon, and for the peace that passes ALL understanding for he and his family! Lord Jesus, we cling to your promises in the Word that you will never leave us or forsake us, and we cling to that even more right now for this precious family. Father, may they literally feel you holding them close, and may they press into you, as they wait for the appointment this coming week. Father, please remove all pain from Brandon's little body even now,that he may rest. Thank-you for the privelege of coming BOLDLY before Your throne, asking for and believing in Your desire to perform miracles even today. We ask, believing, according to Your perfect will for Brandon that He may be healed, and that the testimony of this family would be living and give hope to others. In your precious, sweet, holy name we ask this all,
Lisa
Lisa-as I sat here and read your beautiful comment and prayer for my sweet Brandon and my family-I was overwhelmed by your love and concern for us and I want to thank you so much-I had gotten on the internet this morning and googled things and it made my mind go crazy with fear. I had to just back away, cry and pray to God that I will not live in fear of what might be I have to trust that He will heal Brandon totally and if we have a long haul in front of us that He will be with us during that as well. My Brandon has a heart of gold that really is so perceptive to others and what they are going through-I believe God will use this for Him to reach others through my gift name Brandon.
Thank you for your continued prayers. What you wrote today helped me to defeat the enemy and how he was attacking my spirit today. Thank you.
Jill
I don't know how to say it better than Lynette. You are in my prayers--peace for you, peace only He can give. For Brandon---favor, acceleration and total and complete healing for his hip, and that the results would be such that doctors would scratch their head and realize it's God.
Hugs to you.
Hello Jill and family, I am coming over from Lynette's blog. I will be praying for your Brandon and his diagnosis and wisdom from the Drs. I have had a sick child. He lived to be 26 and then God chose to take him home. Everyone's story is individual and sovereignly planned. He will give you the strength and the grace for each day. Take each day and give it to him. Don't think about tomorrow only that it will be another day to know God and to make Him known. Make each day to His Glory and you will be in obedience and a shining testimony to your family and friends and unsaved friends. May your brave little guy be an inspiration to you and may God bless all your family with strength and may God heal your son. Living in His grace, Coleene VanTilburg
Praying for Brandon, and you, and your family...and thanking the Lord for giving you the peace that you have. Isn't He wonderful? Only Good All the Time! Lisa
You are so welcome, Jill...it is a privilege to pray for you all, and I will keeping up as you journey down this path. Please feel free to email me any time with specific ways I can pray, and anything I can do to help.
Blessings abundant and sweet rest,
Lisa
Oh Jill, I am so sorry you and your precious family are having to face this. But I too am confident that God will be with you and Brandon every step of the way. I will be lifting you, your family and Brandon up in prayer. Please keep us posted.
Your sister in Chris,
Lyn @ Southern Homeschool Journey
http://southernhomeschool.blogspot.com/
I am thankful that Lynette posted your prayer request on her blog so that we can connect with you.
Your family is beautiful!
This must be so difficult for all of you and I will keep you, your son and the rest of your family in my prayers.
Every day I pray that God would reveal to me why we had to lose our son and why we all (like your family) must go through so many trials. I know that He owes me no explanation...He giveth and giveth and giveth again to me...blessing after blessing. Still, my sinful heart wants to know because I hurt so much.
God is in contol over your situation...no matter what happens. Of course, we ask that your son is completely healed of any any sickness and disease.
My heart hurts with yours as you face the unknown ahead of you.
Angie
www.missingmarkallen.blogspot.com
Praying for your you, your son and your entire family.
I came from Lynette's blog. I am hurting for you, and I am praying, too. I am so sorry.
I just want to say thank you so much for sharing with me a few days ago...I have been praying for Brandon and your family. I know that the Lord's hand is in this and He will carry you through! Also, Cook's is where my son was all those months, and it is a WONDERFUL hospital. He will be well taken care of friend!! :) Blessings,
Bethany
Dear Jill.
I am coming from Lynnette's blog too.
I will pray for you and your family.
I can relate in a way as we are adjusting to our little girl being diagnosed with Sensory Processing disorder and Mild Intellectual disorder and I wonder why and what will happen to her as she gets older and then I relise that God made her as she is and loves her like that and that if I lean on him it will be ok. Not how I wnat it but OK
Blessings
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