Not a call I wanted to get. I had just laid Analeigh down for a nap and was finally getting into the shower because I had been cleaning and doing wash all morning. So I ripped Analeigh up out of the crib-threw clothes on and drove to the park which is only 1/2 mile if that from my house thank goodness. When I got there it looked really bad because head wounds really bleed at it was all over his hair and his hands and it was icky. I rushed if home and put him in the tub to run some water over it to see just how bad the cut was-I knew then bad enough to take him to the Dr. Of course the office was closed(lunch time) I also knew enough to know that he probably did not have a concussion because he had eaten shortly before that and wasn't throwing up or nauseous, he could speak, his head didn't hurt, his pupils were dilating-all the things you are supposed to look for and the bleeding had slowed down. I cleaned him up while my husband rushed over from across town to stay with Analeigh because I thought they might do x-rays or things she couldn't be with me.
We got in the car and when we got there we were for only about 15 minutes which was the quickest we had ever been there waiting-they took him back looked it over, cleaned it up and then announced he would need staples. To which my poor 6 year old broke into tears that ripped out my heart and I cried right there with him. For those of you who don't know me very well-I cry when I am happy, when I am sad, when I watch a game show and people win lots of money (truly happy for them) Hallmark commercials-you name it-God gave me a very sensitive heart which comes out in the form or tears lots of times!
I tried to be strong for him at that moment-but the real heart ache and fear in his cry-I couldn't hold it in. My mind flash to Jesus on the cross asking God His Father-if He had forsaken Him-I wondered-I know God was not human-but did His heart hurt like mine at that moment-did His eyes shed a tear? I would have switched places with Brandon in a heart beat if I could have but I couldn't-what had happened had happened and the result was something painful that would ultimately make him better and whole again. It mad me weep more later to think I caused pain to my sweet Jesus and yet He did switch places with me-He took the pain-what would heal and make me whole-He took my place-my punishment on Him so I didn't have to-that still amazed me after being a Christian for 25 years.
All that to say please keep us in your prayers once again for something new today-while we were there I mentioned to the Dr that Brandon has always walked with a little limp or skip or something like a bounce but it was never super noticeable and it wasn't in pain so I never have said anything to be honest-I don't think I really can pin point a time when I noticed it, it was always there. He broke his ankle at 1 while learning to walk so I always thought it was related to that in the back of my head I think.
It wasn't till 2 weeks ago he fell at church on his leg and when he got up he cried and said his upper leg near his hip hurt-by the time we got home it was 9pm and his bed time and he wasn't complaining really anymore-I had him walk around (he limped a little) but could do it, jump, hop skip. So I sent him on to bed with a little Tylenol. He got up the next day still limping a little when he walked but better and saying it didn't hurt. Well since then I don't know if it is really worse or I am just more aware of how he is walking so I see it, but I thought he is walking funny. So when we were at the Dr yesterday I mentioned it and he looked his legs over and moved things around felt his hips and then had him get down and walk and say he is walking a little funny. So he sent us to the x-ray area to get x-rays done on his bones in his legs-check length and structure-his ankles-his hips and his spine. We should know something hopefully by Friday.
If you know me you would also know that I know to worry is a sin-that I am not trusting God and His plan my head knows all of that but my heart is a worrier by nature. So I have been sick since yesterday after the x-rays. I prayed and cried off and on all night long and I haven't been able to really eat today without feeling like I could get sick. I know all the scriptures to recite and I know that being worried will not change the outcome of what might be-I can't stop it. Every time I talk about it new worries come to my mind-times he has fallen or thing that have happened or whatever that makes my mind start to go crazy with fear.
Please pray for my Brandon-he is a little scared-he kept asking me questions yesterday about the x-rays and I didn't really tell him much because I don't know-I just told him they wanted to make sure his back and legs are growing ok. I want to trust God and His plans for us-for my sweet Brandon-I am just much afraid. I am just praying that it is nothing but if it is it is something that can be taken care of.
Thanks for letting me rant on here-my therapy! lol But most of all thank you for going before the throne of our mighty Heavenly Father who knew and planned all this before He ever knit Brandon in my wombwith your prayers for him about all this. What a mighty God we serve.
In Him-
Jill
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